It's been a long, a long time coming but I know a change gonna come

With the official countdown coming to a close of my 30th birthday, I feel as though I'm on the verge of something. That things are going to change - and in a big way. I've narrowed my pool of possible MFA schools to only those in Australia. I figure I've already done the UK thing and Australia rests better on conscious when I lie awake in bed at night.

This decision scares the hell out of me.

But in an effort to not put the cart before the horse, I'm trying to focus my energy on my portfolio because that is, after all, the most important component of my application. If they don't like my writing I'll be staying in Columbus for another year. Which also scares the hell out of me.

Australia aside, 30 is a big birthday. I'm leaving one decade behind and stepping over that line to the next one. I'm optimistic about my 30s. I leave my 20s feeling almost as bad and messed up as I did when I entered them, however I'm making a conscious decision to get it together. To stop living like I'm 21 and mature a little bit. This means cutting back on my alcohol consumption, staying away from smoking/smokers, exercising, eating well...to practice taking care of myself, something I've never been good at. If I continue down the path of bad habits the future looks bleak. When I think about what I could become, the future stretches out before me flooded with possibilities. Oh yes, a change is gonna come.

And as a matter of fact, Australia does tie into this personal change. I'm a creature of habit, a product of my environment. Take me out of that comfortable environment where it's so easy for me to be self-destructive and I'm an entirely different person.

One more thing, I've managed to knock off 18 items from my 30 before 30 list. Some just weren't physically possible, the others...well, they'll just carry over to the new 35 before 35 list.

Babies

My sister-in-law gave birth to twins this morning. Ethan weighed 6lbs 10oz and Layla weighed 5lbs. Nearly 12 pounds of baby increased our family by two this morning, making my brother and his wife first time parents, my parents first time grandparents, and my sister and me first time aunts. I can't wait to spoil the snot out of those two kids. Unfortunately they live about 2,500 miles from where I live so seeing them will be tough. It will be even harder if I jump ship and head to Australia like I have planned but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. All I know for now is that those two little babies are finally here and they are perfect.

Anxious

To give a person with chronic anxiety reason to be more anxious should be illegal. My brilliant doctor has been sitting on a script of mine for nearly two weeks. I've called him many times but he has still yet to call it in to the pharmacy. I'm actually going in to the office tomorrow to get the damn thing in my hand and then tell him to bugger off. You can't do that to a crazy person. All my meds are messed up anyway because they are so god awful expensive, the dosing is all wrong and - oh yeah - I don't even HAVE one of them. I'm going a little nuts but I think it's understandable considering my body chemistry is all over the map. All this work and effort just to make it through a day feeling relatively normal. I don't even know what normal feels like. My head hurts all the time. It's probably head cancer.

It's Tuesday ~ What do you want from me?

Remember when I was all rah rah Marathon 2009? Those were good times. I ran 1.2 miles yesterday and it felt great. It's a start. Neither good nor bad, but a start.

I'm trying to be contemplative. There's really nothing to be contemplative about at the moment. Good time for me start reviving this blog again, right?

Check back tomorrow. Something good is bound to come up.

Did someone say running?

It's a gorgeous day in my corner of the globe. I think that calls for a run. Did I say running was non-exisent? Was that me? Because that sure doesn't sound like something a runner would say. And I'm a runner. Watch out world. Kate's gonna run today.

From the abyss

I don't plan on making a habit out of leaving a 7 month gap between posts. A week went by then two...before I knew it I caught myself saying "Didn't I used to have a blog?" and here we are. A lot has changed since last we spoke, most of it for the better. I'm getting my writing portfolio together and going through the daunting task of applying to MFA programs, both in the US and abroad. And by abroad I mean the UK and Australia. I'm not sure what it is that makes me feel the need to uproot myself and spend large amounts of time in other countries for no good reason. I figure if I'm going to move for a graduate program, I'm going to move BIG. I suppose Edinburgh (again) or London or Adelaide or Melbourne would be pretty big moves, yah?

In other news, I'm employed again. When people ask what I do I try really hard not to say "I'm a receptionist. I don't do jack" because that sort of makes me sound like an idiot. But really, I don't to jack. I mean, work-wise. I read plenty of books, write papers, play around on facebook, you know, get the important stuff done. Then at 5 o'clock I pack my stuff up and go home to read books, write papers and play around on facebook. You may be thinking to yourself "that sounds really boring. Is she nuts?" and yes. Yes I am. If you've read my blog before this shouldn't come as much of a a surprise.

Running is non-existent. This will must change.