What to do, what to do

I was listening to a podcast today about how we Americans like to clutter our lives up with noise, the subconscious purpose to avoid seeing who we really are in the quiet times. As the speaker talked about our need for simple quietness, I had an out of body experience watching myself flip on the tv in the morning before I even get out of bed, listen to the news as I brush my teeth, sing along to the radio as I drive to work, stick the headphones in my ears as soon as I get to work, sing along with the radio as I drive to the park where I run, stick the headphones back in my ears to get into my groove, sing along with the radio as I drive home after my run, flip on the tv and get on the computer as soon as I get home from my day.

I was a little horrified at how much background noise I put into my day and so I'm making a conscious effort to cut some of it out, starting with the ipod on my runs. Today, I ran "naked"; no ipod, no Garmin, no sunglasses, no fancy visor, no gels or fuel belt. Just me, a t-shirt, a pair of shorts and my shoes. I was determined to listen to the rhythm of my body.

And it said, "FOR CRYING OUT LOUD STOP ALREADY!!"

My scheduled 5 turned into 2. The first mile was stiff and by the second I was feeling pretty good but decided to call it a day. After all, I'd rather be fresh for 18 on Saturday than push it through 5 on Thursday. The temperature has finally broken and there was no humidity to speak of. The fact that my legs still felt dead seemed like a no brainer. I'm worn out, and it's not all because of the weather.

So, easy 2 today, rest tomorrow, 18 Saturday, then...??? Do I stick with the schedule for the up coming week (Sunday: yoga, Monday: off, Tuesday: 5, Wednesday: 8, Thursday: 5, Friday: off, Saturday: 13) or do something different? Maybe x-train for a few days? Thoughts? Opinions? I'm in uncharted territory here so any advice is much appreciated.

Thanksgiving

There's been a whole lotta negative self-talk running through my brain and I realized that even though I'm out there putting in the miles week after week, I'm not doing the mental training I need to be doing to get through this race. I let the negativity creep into the forefront of my mind and it wins every time. I hit a road block, stop, walk, can't seem to get my rhythm back, sometimes after only a mile into my run.

There are a few factors that may be contributing to this. First, I'm up to running almost 40 miles per week which is more than I've ever done in my life. My body is struggling to keep up with the schedule and I feel tired and sluggish, even on the easy days. Instead of feeling antsy and wanting to run on my rest days, I crawl to them and colapse in them. It may be time to take some time off. Secondly, it's been in the mid 90's and humid for most of my runs for the past 3 weeks. Doesn't help that I run at 4:15 in the afternoon every day. The heat is taking it's toll but try as I might, running on the dreadmill almost seems worse. I'm ready for some cooler temps.

Until the mileage backs off and the temperatures cool down, I'm taking a page from Runner Nancy and getting out my club. I can't control the weather and I don't have a lot of options as far as when to run. The schedule is what it is, I can take an easy week next week and see how I feel, but really, with only 52 days to go, I feel like a bum skipping runs. My self-talk is about the only thing I can control and I haven't been doing a very good job of beating down my negative monster lately. Today, I want to list several things I am thankful for...

I am thankful I have a heathly body with legs that can carry me the distance and heart full of determination.

I am thankful for a running partner, even if he runs circles around me and makes fun of how slow I go. Well, when I'm not running with him, I'm thankful.

I am thankful for a supportive family that wants to come see me run and will cheer me along the entire way.

I am thankful to run with my dad after so many years of not always seeing eye to eye. I so wish I could see him cross the finish line at his first half marathon.

I am thankful for friends who understand my goals and don't give me a hard time for how much this takes away from my social life.

I am thankful to God for making the much anticipated changing seasons so incredibly sweet. And for giving me the courage to do this thing that scares the living daylights out of me.

I am thankful for this medium to come together and learn from and support other runners as I don't know any outside my immediate family.

Happy miles...

'Twas the day after the 17 miler

In a nutshell, lets just say I'm glad I registered for the marathon a few weeks ago. If I still had yet to do it, I might be hard to convince after yesterday's run.

It was bad.

And I don't mean bad like I normally mean bad. This time I'm for real.

My dad met me at the lake at 6:30am sharp to begin our long run. He's up to 6 miles in his half marathon training plan so he planned to run the first 6 with me and then I would carry on with the remainder of my run. To my surprise, my future brother-in-law was tagging along behind him.

"I'm going to run with you today, Kate!"

"Oh, gee. That's great," I said.

"How far ya going?"

"17 and dad's doing 6," I said this sort of thinking he'd finish with my dad after 6 miles.

"Cool, I'll do the 17 with you."

Now, I'll admit that I laughed at him because the idea that anyone could wake up one morning and just decide willy nilly to run 17 miles is completely beyond my abilities of comprehension. After all, I've been working months. Months. MONTHS! to get this far.

We started slow, about 1:30 slower than my/dad's comfortable pace. Even at 6.30 in the morning, it was already in the low 80's and humid. Dad made it to six and we dropped him off at his car. At 7, I was struggling pretty hard. Mentally, I was tanked. This always happens in the humidity for some reason. I just fall apart. Physically I felt fine but my mind was toast. I was so pissed at myself because the 15-er a few weeks ago couldn't have gone any better and here I was completely done in at only 7 miles.

I told the future BIL that he could bugger off any time he wanted because this was about to get very ugly. But NO! He wanted to keep going (of course he did) and he was perfectly fine, had hardly even broken a sweat. The kid is in shape, I'll give him that, but he could probably power walk faster than I was running and at one point he said, "Maybe if I feel like it that day I'll run the marathon with you." I tried to strangle him then but he sprinted off and I couldn't catch him. He's one of those people that are just naturally fast where, even on my very best day, I'll never even come close. Not an ideal running partner for me, especially when I'm out there for many many many hours.

The last 6 miles were terrible. Lots of walking and complaining. We ran out of water which didn't help and at one point I think I was down on my hands and knees laughing hysterically but I can't be sure, it's all kind of fuzzy.

I don't really remember finishing but I know I did, the Garmin says so. It also says my pace which I quickly deleted (I think one of the miles clocked in at about 25:00, good grief, this is probably the one when I was on my hands and knees laughing) because I don't want the reminder.

My only consolation from yesterday is that I feel fine today and the future BIL was hobbling around in church this morning.

'Twas the night before the 17 miler

'Twas the night before the long run
And all through the house
Kate was stirring, but not like a mouse

The ipod and Garmin were charging on the chair
In the hopes that both would help get her from here to there

The kitty was nestled all snug in her bed
While visions of catnip danced through her head.

She laid out her gear
as the hour drew near.

'Now body glide! Now gatorade! Now Asics and fuelbelt!
On toenails! On pbj! On water and gels!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away hell!'

And I heard her exclaime as she drove to the lake,
"Happy running to all, and to all a good day!"

Panic, but not at the Disco!

Yeah.

Haven't been around these parts much lately. Mostly it's because work is kicking my ass and I can't be bothered to come home and get back on a computer, even if it is my own computer and even if it is for doing important stuff. Like blogging. And Simpsonizing myself. And playing Spider Solitare.

That's how I knew. When I wasn't even excited about Spider Solitare, something's gotta change. Oh sure! I'll throw a in change of career path along with training for a marathon and helping my little sister plan her wedding and not getting along with any of my friends and working the freelance gig on the side and all that Spider Solitare.

No problem.

And my doctor says the shortness of breath and heart palpitations I've been experiencing aren't a heart attack after all. Turns out, I'm having panic attacks. What ever for?

Dead legs

I know my legs were dead today because of the short little jog in the park I had on Saturday. I know this and yet for some reason I'm still beating myself up for a lousy 4 miles today. The weather was perfect, the trail was well shaded and far from distraction, I had a good solid day of rest yesterday and still...dead legs. This happened before, the week after I ran my first half marathon. It was my first ever time at that distance and it took about 20 days for me to feel fully recovered and "springy" in my step. I'm hoping recovery doesn't take quite that long this time but at least today I know what the cause is for a poor run. So often, I set out my front door without knowing what my run will bring. Will I go out too fast? Will I run out of steam? Will I fall apart mentally? So often these things happen and I never know the cause.

Today, I know.

Even though I may someday look back on 15 miles and scoff, 15 miles is still a pretty long freaking way to run.

15 down, 11.2 to go

I started at 6:35am. The first mile was slow and shakey, trying to work out the kinks in my legs and get a feel for what lay ahead. The trail was still dark at this time so I opted out of the ipod and listened for any would-be attackers trying to sneak up on me. And my breathing.

Mile 2 was also slow. But that was ok, my legs were starting to loosen up and I caught sight of some other runners. I stuck my headphones in my ears and focused on the story being fed through the wires.

Miles 3-5 passed easily and faster. I was feeling pretty good.

At mile 6, I took a potty/gel/water break and called my dad to give him an ETA for the 10 mile mark.

Mile 7: "Holy cow, that gel worked like gangbusters." My legs felt springy and the next three miles all clocked it between 10:30-10:40 pace.

I caught up with my dad at mile 10 and take another gel. A minute to catch my breath and we're off.

At mile 13.1, I start clapping my hands and shouting "PR! PR! PR! PR!" Every step after that was uncharted territory. "How are you doing?" dad asked. "Two miles," I said. "I can do two miles in my sleep!"

Mile 14.5, I hit The Wall. I could see my finish line just on the other side of the lake but I had to walk for a few seconds. Half a mile! Half a mile!

Mile 15 done, total time 2:41:39.

Back in my car, I said to my dad. "That was pretty awesome but how in the world am I going to run 11 miles on top of what I just did today?" But even inspite of the niggling doubts, yesterday was the first time I ever felt like 26.2 might actually be possible.

Open Letter

Dear Makers of a Certain Undergarment,

Quit lying about your product being "no-chafe". You bunch of liars, you!

Love always,

Kate

Smokin'

Taking a break from standing nakkid in front of my open freezer to tell you guys....

....it's hot out there.

Be sure to hydrate!

With a little help from my friends

I'm not sure when it happened but all of a sudden my friends are on board. I had company for almost all my runs this week which was a rare treat because I always run by myself. Now, I love my friends dearly but runners they are not. Drinkers, yes. Runners? Someday perhaps, but up until this week, they usually looked at me with amusement whenever I'd start in about the obnoxious toenail that's still lingering on or how my ice bath this morning didn't exactly get all the kinks out like I'd hoped. Up until now, they were supportive of course, but never had any inclination towards joining me for a run.

Then, all of a sudden, there they were. One decided to bike along beside me while I ran, graciously carrying my water and keys and making me laugh the entire time. Another joined me for the first mile of my long run on Saturday. It was her first try running outside in the elements (has been running for a few weeks on a TM at her gym) and afterwards, I knew she was hooked. She called me up later in the day to ask what time to be at the park next Saturday.

After my friend finished her very first outdoor run on Saturday, I went on to get the rest of my long run in. A few miles into it, I ran into my dad. He decided to sign up to run his very first 1/2 marathon the same day I run my full (so we'll run it together) and Saturday was his first long run. I had no idea he was out there doing this so I yelped when I saw him "Hey old man!" and turned around and ran with him for about 5 miles. Well, 5 miles is a rough guesstimate. I forgot my Garmin and I was kicking myself for it, but actually I was much more relaxed without it. I pretty much know where the mile markers are on this route so I just ran by feel and chatted up my dad for a while. It was great!

And I have to tell you, I think this week has ruined me. I had so much fun with company on my runs I'm afraid I'll want it all the time!! But really, this was a fantastic week and I'm so thrilled to see my friends and family start to make positive changes regarding their health. To think I had anything to do with that blows my mind.

Happy miles....

New togs.

Out with the old...

...and in with the new!

I panicked a little when it hit me that these little beauties are going to travel the final 26.2 miles of this first marathon journey with me. Perhaps I'll have them bronzed when all is said and done.

How I win the marathon

People think I'm nuts. They wouldn't be far off.

It was 90* this afternoon when I planned to get my 7 miles in. Normally, I run on the bike path near my house but it's sparse with the shade so I decided to run my 7 miles on the treadmill at work. I get off an hour before most other folks so I was pretty well into things when the 5 o'clock whistle blew and the masses flooded past the work "gym". I got quite a few odd glances, some pointing through the glass at the treadmill no one thought worked (no one ever tried it before). I saw one guy who had come down an hour previously to hit the vending machine.

"She's still running!" he said, probably still picking the cheesy poofs out of his teeth.

Yes, I'm known around the office as "that girl who runs". They don't really know why I'm running all the time, other than the fact they think I've completely lost my mind when I head to the bathroom as soon as I clock out to jump into my Asics and hit the road. They look at all of my gear and wonder aloud how much everything cost.

"Sheesh," they whistle. "You spent how much on that watch?" pointing to my Garmin.

Monday mornings, I like to parade around in my latest race t-shirt, varying in distances from a 5K to a 1/2 marathon (so far).

"How long was that marathon?" they ask with a nod towards my t-shirt.

For a while, I tried to explain my passion. For a while, I tried to explain the anticipation for a race I trained so hard for over many months. I tried to explain the butterflies in my stomach every time I think about the next race I have planned. I tried to explain how a bad run can totally shatter my confidence or how a good run can make me feel invincible. How awesome running for the sake of running can be and how it tests my mental and physical limits daily. How I'm amazed at what I am so blessed to be able to do. I see the changes running has made in my life and I wonder why everyone isn't running.

Another confused look and I shrug my shoulders.

Now, whenever anyone asks how my "marathon" went, I smile and say "I won."