My therapist = "The Dude" because I hate being one of those people that starts off conversations with "My therapist says..."
My psychiatrist = "My Dealer" because he gives me drugs.
I see both The Dude and my dealer on Tuesday with good things to report. I've been pretty active and involved in my own life this week. But there are so many variables its impossible to pinpoint which one has caused the turn around. Could it be I don't have to waste my days in that corporate soul-sucking fascist dictatorship of job? Could it be that the Wellbutrin is starting to work? Could it be the fact that I'm running again and practicing yoga and lifting weights and I have a bunch of endorphins shooting off all over the place? Could it be that I'm eating well and treating my body with respect?
In all probability, it could be all of the above.
While the depression seems to have lifted a little, the anxiety is still there. In the midst of my progress this week, a little voice in the back of my head is telling me it won't last; that it's a manic episode; that I'm facing another inevitable crash and it will be worse. I still can't sleep even though I'm on a pretty high dose of Ambien. I don't feel like I miss the sleep and am never tired (more like wound up, high strung) where as I used to sleep all day long. Ugg. The dude and I still need to work on that.
But, running, I am. Lifting weights and yoga take a little more effort to keep consistent with but I'm trying. I still haven't been able to run farther than 2.5 miles but I'm learning to be proud of myself for sticking with it.
7 comments:
Good luck with everything. I hope it keeps getting better for you. Wellbutrin is very effective over time.
I have a similar problem. When things are going well I can't help but to think that, things going well, is a sign that somehing bad is going to happen. And it is so hard to explain that to someone who does not understand!
Glad the running and exercise is going well! Hope your sleep gets better!
Take Care
Stick with it. You're doing awesome. A combo with the dude and dealer!
Now I'm totally laughing at the similarities of our lives...I call my therapist dude as well.
Oh man, I'm so sorry you are going through all this. I hope you are getting beyond the first stages of the withdrawal and feeling better. Keep up the running and exercising, it will help so much.
Good luck with all this.
We took your advice on Edinburgh!
Hugs.
Kate.. I want to tell you what a great job you are doing running even just 2.5 miles. I too am only running but 2.25. We just have to work our way back up. Keep up the good work.
Robert
and sticking with it shall get you further than running twenty miles and doing hours of hot yoga ONCE!
MizFit
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