School days

That summer, we ran.

Miles upon countless miles we wove though trees and thickets, on bike trails and golf courses, through neighborhoods and over bridges. The summer sun beat down on our backs, bleaching our hair and burning our shoulders. I watched as my body slowly transformed from that of an awkward, geeky teenager to that of a strong and confident athlete. I nursed shinsplints with ice packs balancing on my legs and managed to ward off a possible stress fracture by way of experienced coaching.

"I want you to run, but I want you to run smart," Coach said.

I threw up almost everywhere. I pushed myself to the limit and when I thought I'd surely collapse, I ran another mile. I was the slowest person on the team, however my 5K times improved from a 39.36 to a 27.58 and I was content with that. I wasn't competitive; I knew I'd never win a race. In fact, I was pretty happy whenever I didn't come in last. But I felt a strong bond with the rest of my teammates and much joy in the camaraderie of our "fun runs", over night trips and even the excruciating hill repeats. I found a place where I fit in and felt comfortable, even if it meant I had to run in order to experience it.

Much to my surprise, I found that running provided the cardiovascular conditioning needed to improve my swimming technique. When I jumped in the pool for the first day of swim practice, I couldn't believe how much I'd improved and I thought I'd finally found a useful purpose for all the running I'd suffered through. Before that, I hadn't given much thought running again the following year, but after realizing the possible benefits that could be reaped in the pool, I committed to running by way of conditioning only.

Three years later, I was co-captain of the cross country team by default. There were only two seniors on the team and Coach's policy was that the team should be lead by seniority. My co-captain, N, and I felt undeserving. We'd both started running as sluggish, inexperienced freshman and had managed to improve our times over the years down to about a 24.25 for a 5K, but we were still the two slowest runners on the team, after all. Being appointed 'Captain' gave us a sense of importance that we otherwise wouldn't have received as back-of-the-pack runners. We organized carbo-loading dinners, handed out Gatorade and made sure there was always enough ice on hand after the really tough workouts. We talked about negative splits and lead the stretching routine. We teased Coach in good fun about his bad hearing, then he'd make us run a fartlek.

We had fun that year, but my heart just wasn't in it.