The Week

This has been a great running week for me despite the fact that I'm putting off the long-run-that-isn't-really-long until later in the day or possibly tomorrow because of a certain holiday yesterday and a dum-dum who wore 2 inch heels that ripped her feet to shreds. I don't know what possessed me to wear these shoes and yes I realize they were only 2-inches so you can point and laugh at me all you want but I have 6 blisters the size of Kansas on each foot. Once again I prove how smart I really am.

Anywho. I'll get six miles in at some point which will put me right at 15 miles for the week. I'm pretty comfortable with that and will probably stay at that mileage for a few weeks before I start working my way up to 20 and eventually 25 before my training schedule starts for the 1/2 marathon at the beginning of May. I have little hope I can PR there after my 2:10 last year because of my layoff but I really like this race. That will make 3 years in a row! Luckily for me I am quite happy to keep running the same courses over and over and have little desire to travel more than a half hour to race. I just don't have the money or time for that sort of investment.

My friend Jackie is also continuing to run with me. This thrills me to the core. I get voicemails from her asking what time we're going to run, which route we'll take, where's the best place to get one of those watter bottle thingies with the hand strap. Not to discredit her but I never expected her to stick with it for as long as she has (about 3 weeks now) and to also enjoy it as much as she does. She's even setting small goals for herself and realizing how empowering it makes her feel. It almost brings tears to my eyes with joy.

I'm a bit sore from yoga on Friday but I'm loving every pain and ache. It means I'm getting my lard-ass into shape. Slowly but surely I'll get there.

Did my LSD yesterday and it was awesome. I was supposed to meet with the Boy Toy again but he backed out on account of too much partying the night before. Oh boy, what a surprise. He's just as reliable as he was when we were dating. Me thinks I dodged a bullet with that one. Anyway. 5 miles I did, trying to keep my pace between 11:30 and 11:40. Nice and slooooooow. And here's what happened:

Mile 1: 11:43
Mile 2: 11:35
Mile 3: 11:21
Mile 4: 11:15
Mile 5: 11:09

Hmmmmm. Interesting. I didn't feel like I was going faster at mile five than I was at mile 1 and, in fact, mile 1 seemed like I was working a helluva lot harder than mile 5. Maybe it just takes me 5 miles before I start to feel good. Quite possible.

I've been eating well and have been rewarded with a deficit of a few of the old LB's. That's always nice to see. I'd like to lose about 50 more but, yeah. One step, one day at a time.

When Dostoevsky wrote "The Idiot" he was writing about me.

Ran with the Boy Toy today. This is a new development in the never-ending saga of my romantic life. Not that there's really all that much to tell. I saw him Sunday running the marathon, or rather, we both saw each other at the exact same moment. So I texted him later in the day to congratulate him on his PR, one thing led to another, and the next thing I know, we're meeting for a run in the park today. I was apprehensive because:

• I was 15lbs lighter the last time I saw him
• I'd told him I was sick over the summer and that's why I hadn't been running, so naturally when he asked what I'd come down with, I blurted out "depression and anxiety" which I immediately regretted because I fear he thinks it might have had something to with him since we broke up in the middle of all that, but really it had nothing to do with him at all. Le sigh.
• And because I haven't been back to running for all that long, I still suck wind the entire time so I looked like a total douche trying to keep up with him and talk "comfortably" all while clocking 10:20 miles (again, still not fast but I'm not quite back to that level yet)
• Oh, and the whole ex-boyfriend issue.
• It didn't come up. We just talked, caught up, yadda yadda.
• and we're running together again on Saturday.
• Am I a masochist or what?

So that's my running experience for today. I had fun running with him today. I really did. However it's a bit confusing to go from boyfriend/girlfriend to just "friends." I'm doing my best not reading into it but...meh. Whatever. Boyz r dum. But hey, I got 4 miles out of it at a 10:20 pace and I didn't die so that's good, right? I don't think he even broke a sweat. Grrr.

YAY!!!!!

Day one of Goal Marathon 2009 yesterday with a total of 3 miles with an average pace of 10:48. This makes me very very very happy. It's neither far nor fast but I'm proud of myself nonetheless. Since the middle of September I've been running about 10 miles a week struggling for every step, it seems. My pace was usually somewhere around 12:00 miles but yesterday, ah yesterday...for the first time in a very long time I feel like not all is lost. That the 4.5 months I spent (and am still currently spending) getting my brain healthy did not totally kill everything I worked for physically. I'm actually looking forward to winter and running in the cold and snow and under armor. Yay running!

It's coming back, ya'll!

The Columbus Marathon from the sidelines

As most of you know, I've been on sort of an unwanted hiatus from "serious" running since about April. My brain wasn't functioning properly and therefore my body couldn't either. I've recently started running again and it feels like I'm starting all over from scratch. This is incredibly frustrating. After I've sucked wind for two miles I beat myself up with all kinds of "should" statements. I should be running faster. I should be running farther. I never should have quit running when I had my mental breakdown. I should not be such an idiot.

However, it was suggested to me that I might consider letting myself off the hook every once in a while. I know I was sick and I know it was very close to life threatening and I know that for every mile I run now I can praise God I'm still alive. I should let myself off the hook.

Today I watched my dad run the Columbus 1/2 Marathon and he did great, a fantastic PR by about 10 minutes. After he finished I went to another part of the course (mile 22) where the marathoners were still going strong and I cheered for each person until the last runner went by. I know how tough those last few miles can be and, being a back-of-the-pack'er myself, I know how lonely I get. I hope I was able to offer encouragement to some of them with my sign:

YOUR FEET HURT CUZ YOU'RE KICKING SO MUCH ASS!!

God willing, I'll be back there next year.

4 miles.

Check.

And so what if they were run a day late? I got them done didn't I? Actually, the only reason I did them at all is because I have this paper to write and I'm not really feeling it. It's due tomorrow and while I already have a pretty shitty rough draft down on paper, I have a feeling it's going to be a long, long night of revisions. So what do I do? Put it off for an hour and go for a run.

Ah, college. I love it!

I will run.

OK.

I'm going to run today.

I AM going to run today.

I am going to RUN today.

I am going to run TODAY.

I am going to put on my shoes and my shorts and my shirt and my little black visor that is the best little black visor a girl could wish for. I'm going to strap my Garmin to my left wrist, charge my ipod, and step out the front door. Then I will run. I will run for 4 miles. And then I will stop. I will stop running, come back to my apartment, take a shower and report my accomplishment.

Sometimes it takes a little visualization.