Update, sort of.

Hello fellow runners. I'm sorry I've been incognito for so long, but I wanted to wait to post anything until I had good news. Unfortunately, I don't have any good news to report yet. I've had a few trips to the ER, CAT scans, multiple specialist consults and they still can't figure out what's wrong with me or why I seem to be bleeding from places I shouldn't be. I'm still in a ton of pain and I'm starting to develop a tolerance/dependence on these strong narcotics they have me taking. The drugs are a good time, though, and sort of compensate for the pain, er...but not really.

I still dream of lacing up my shoes and hitting the trails. I have hope that I'll still be able to participate in the Shamrock Shuffle 5K, even if it means walking or volunteering. I have similar hopes for the 1/2 marathon I was supposed to run on April 14th; at this point I really want to be able to run the 5K instead but if I can't do that, I'll be happy to volunteer. Running is the one thing that keeps me balanced and I feel so off-kilter without it these last few weeks.

I'm trying to keep a positive spin on everything, but it's hard to think clearly through a narcotic induced haze. The lack of a diagnosis makes me fatalistic and bitter. I'm realizing how quickly pain turns into anger as I see myself lash out at people I love and withdraw into my own private world of coping. I deny any offer of help because I'm so used to being a fierce, independent single woman and it's hard to admit that I do need a helping hand. Everyone does once in a while.

So keep on running the miles out there. I'm wishing I were out there with you. Hopefully, I will be soon.