When Dostoevsky wrote "The Idiot" he was writing about me.

Ran with the Boy Toy today. This is a new development in the never-ending saga of my romantic life. Not that there's really all that much to tell. I saw him Sunday running the marathon, or rather, we both saw each other at the exact same moment. So I texted him later in the day to congratulate him on his PR, one thing led to another, and the next thing I know, we're meeting for a run in the park today. I was apprehensive because:

• I was 15lbs lighter the last time I saw him
• I'd told him I was sick over the summer and that's why I hadn't been running, so naturally when he asked what I'd come down with, I blurted out "depression and anxiety" which I immediately regretted because I fear he thinks it might have had something to with him since we broke up in the middle of all that, but really it had nothing to do with him at all. Le sigh.
• And because I haven't been back to running for all that long, I still suck wind the entire time so I looked like a total douche trying to keep up with him and talk "comfortably" all while clocking 10:20 miles (again, still not fast but I'm not quite back to that level yet)
• Oh, and the whole ex-boyfriend issue.
• It didn't come up. We just talked, caught up, yadda yadda.
• and we're running together again on Saturday.
• Am I a masochist or what?

So that's my running experience for today. I had fun running with him today. I really did. However it's a bit confusing to go from boyfriend/girlfriend to just "friends." I'm doing my best not reading into it but...meh. Whatever. Boyz r dum. But hey, I got 4 miles out of it at a 10:20 pace and I didn't die so that's good, right? I don't think he even broke a sweat. Grrr.

YAY!!!!!

Day one of Goal Marathon 2009 yesterday with a total of 3 miles with an average pace of 10:48. This makes me very very very happy. It's neither far nor fast but I'm proud of myself nonetheless. Since the middle of September I've been running about 10 miles a week struggling for every step, it seems. My pace was usually somewhere around 12:00 miles but yesterday, ah yesterday...for the first time in a very long time I feel like not all is lost. That the 4.5 months I spent (and am still currently spending) getting my brain healthy did not totally kill everything I worked for physically. I'm actually looking forward to winter and running in the cold and snow and under armor. Yay running!

It's coming back, ya'll!

The Columbus Marathon from the sidelines

As most of you know, I've been on sort of an unwanted hiatus from "serious" running since about April. My brain wasn't functioning properly and therefore my body couldn't either. I've recently started running again and it feels like I'm starting all over from scratch. This is incredibly frustrating. After I've sucked wind for two miles I beat myself up with all kinds of "should" statements. I should be running faster. I should be running farther. I never should have quit running when I had my mental breakdown. I should not be such an idiot.

However, it was suggested to me that I might consider letting myself off the hook every once in a while. I know I was sick and I know it was very close to life threatening and I know that for every mile I run now I can praise God I'm still alive. I should let myself off the hook.

Today I watched my dad run the Columbus 1/2 Marathon and he did great, a fantastic PR by about 10 minutes. After he finished I went to another part of the course (mile 22) where the marathoners were still going strong and I cheered for each person until the last runner went by. I know how tough those last few miles can be and, being a back-of-the-pack'er myself, I know how lonely I get. I hope I was able to offer encouragement to some of them with my sign:

YOUR FEET HURT CUZ YOU'RE KICKING SO MUCH ASS!!

God willing, I'll be back there next year.

4 miles.

Check.

And so what if they were run a day late? I got them done didn't I? Actually, the only reason I did them at all is because I have this paper to write and I'm not really feeling it. It's due tomorrow and while I already have a pretty shitty rough draft down on paper, I have a feeling it's going to be a long, long night of revisions. So what do I do? Put it off for an hour and go for a run.

Ah, college. I love it!

I will run.

OK.

I'm going to run today.

I AM going to run today.

I am going to RUN today.

I am going to run TODAY.

I am going to put on my shoes and my shorts and my shirt and my little black visor that is the best little black visor a girl could wish for. I'm going to strap my Garmin to my left wrist, charge my ipod, and step out the front door. Then I will run. I will run for 4 miles. And then I will stop. I will stop running, come back to my apartment, take a shower and report my accomplishment.

Sometimes it takes a little visualization.

Running. In a skirt?!

To think I almost passed up on the $30 road bike makes my brain hurt a little. It is quite dazzling. It did, however, need new tires which I was happy to get and even got a little carried away adding accessories. I'm a sucker for bikes. This thing is great. 10 speeds, super fast, and it's blue so it matches my other bike. I'll post a picture soon, when it stops pissing rain in Ohio.

And I've actually be running. Hurrah! Maybe not as many miles as I would like or as fast as I would like but I could probably say that for most days that I train. I found some running skirts at Target on clearance so I've been trying to get used to the idea of running in a skirt. I have to admit when I put it on and stepped out my front door I felt as though the world had suddenly gone cattywhampus. Running? In a skirt?!? I felt entirely too dressed up. I'm not quite sure about the whole idea of running in a skirt but I guess female tennis players do it and they're pretty kick ass, right? Hmmm....jury's still out on the skirt issue.

Nothing exciting.

It's late on Sunday night and I'm trying to gear myself up for the week ahead. I wasn't able to run at all last week, ahem, I should correct that. I didn't run at all last week. It's difficult for me to get my butt out the door when my schedule is so cattywhampus and running is not my highest priority. However, I'm still on my health kick and feeling much better as a result of that. My insides feel clean, if that makes any sense.

I recently made another impulsive bike purchase, only this time it was only $30 and it's a road bike. Wahooooo! Riding it really makes me think about doing a triathlon someday, something that would have been ridiculous on my 1972 Schwinn Suburban. Even if it is schweet, it's not ideal for road racing. This new one is. I've been zipping all over town this week on it. You may have seen me go zooooom because it's that fast. Now my house has more bikes than people. Hee hee.

So to the land of dreams I go. Another week over and a new one just begun.